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FilsFilms
Last Activity:
Apr 16, 2019
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FilsFilms

FilsFilms was last seen:
Apr 16, 2019
  • About

    SHREK
    Once upon a time there was a lovely
    princess. But she had an enchantment
    upon her of a fearful sort which could
    only be broken by love's first kiss.
    She was locked away in a castle guarded
    by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.
    Many brave knights had attempted to
    free her from this dreadful prison,
    but non prevailed. She waited in the
    dragon's keep in the highest room of
    the tallest tower for her true love
    and true love's first kiss. (laughs)
    Like that's ever gonna happen. What
    a load of - (toilet flush)

    Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his
    day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go
    after the ogre.

    NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME
    MAN1

    Think it's in there?

    MAN2
    All right. Let's get it!

    MAN1
    Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that
    thing can do to you?

    MAN3

    Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's
    bread.

    Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.

    SHREK
    Yes, well, actually, that would be a
    giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse.
    They'll make a suit from your freshly
    peeled skin.

    MEN

    No!

    SHREK
    They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the
    jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's
    quite good on toast.

    MAN1

    Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
    (waves the torch at Shrek.)

    Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The
    men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long
    and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the
    men are in the dark.

    SHREK

    This is the part where you run away.
    (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.)
    And stay out! (looks down and picks
    up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted.
    Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and
    throws the paper over his shoulder.)


    THE NEXT DAY

    There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard
    sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures
    to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line
    are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto
    who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three
    little pigs.

    GUARD

    All right. This one's full. Take it
    away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!


    HEAD GUARD

    Next!

    GUARD
    (taking the witch's broom) Give me that!
    Your flying days are over. (breaks the
    broom in half)

    HEAD GUARD

    That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch.
    Next!

    GUARD

    Get up! Come on!

    HEAD GUARD
    Twenty pieces.

    LITTLE BEAR
    (crying) This cage is too small.

    DONKEY
    Please, don't turn me in. I'll never
    be stubborn again. I can change. Please!
    Give me another chance!

    OLD WOMAN

    Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope)

    DONKEY
    Oh!

    HEAD GUARD
    Next! What have you got?

    GIPETTO
    This little wooden puppet.

    PINOCCHIO
    I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his
    nose grows)

    HEAD GUARD

    Five shillings for the possessed toy.
    Take it away.

    PINOCCHIO

    Father, please! Don't let them do this!
    Help me!

    Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up
    to the table.

    HEAD GUARD

    Next! What have you got?

    OLD WOMAN
    Well, I've got a talking donkey.

    HEAD GUARD
    Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings,
    if you can prove it.

    OLD WOMAN

    Oh, go ahead, little fella.

    Donkey just looks up at her.

    HEAD GUARD
    Well?

    OLD WOMAN
    Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little
    nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox.
    Talk, you boneheaded dolt...

    HEAD GUARD

    That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!


    OLD WOMAN

    No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends
    to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to
    talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing
    you ever saw.

    HEAD GUARD

    Get her out of my sight.

    OLD WOMAN
    No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!

    The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One
    of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's
    hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled
    with fairy dust and he's able to fly.

    DONKEY

    Hey! I can fly!

    PETER PAN
    He can fly!

    3 LITTLE PIGS
    He can fly!

    HEAD GUARD
    He can talk!

    DONKEY
    Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm
    a flying, talking donkey. You might
    have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly
    but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey
    fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins
    to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink
    to the ground.)

    He hits the ground with a thud.

    HEAD GUARD
    Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.)
    After him!

    GUARDS

    He's getting away! Get him! This way!
    Turn!

    Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally.
    Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared
    for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He
    quickly hides behind Shrek.

    HEAD GUARD

    You there. Ogre!

    SHREK
    Aye?

    FIONA
    And what do you know about true love?


    SHREK

    Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -

    FARQUAAD
    Oh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen
    in love with the princess! Oh, good
    Lord. (laughs)

    The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The
    whole congregation laughs.

    FARQUAAD

    An ogre and a princess!

    FIONA
    Shrek, is this true?

    FARQUAAD
    Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona,
    my love, we're but a kiss away from
    our "happily ever after." Now kiss me!
    (puckers his lips and leans toward her,
    but she pulls back.)

    FIONA

    (looking at the setting sun) "By night
    one way, by day another." (to Shrek)
    I wanted to show you before.

    She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self.
    She gives Shrek a sheepish smile.

    SHREK

    Well, uh, that explains a lot. (Fiona
    smiles)

    FARQUAAD

    Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards!
    I order you to get that out of my sight
    now! Get them! Get them both!

    The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights
    them.

    SHREK

    No, no!

    FIONA
    Shrek!

    FARQUAAD
    This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This
    marriage is binding, and that makes
    me king! See? See?

    FIONA

    No, let go of me! Shrek!

    SHREK
    No!

    FARQUAAD
    Don't just stand there, you morons.


    SHREK

    Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!

    FARQUAAD
    I'll make you regret the day we met.
    I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll
    beg for death to save you!

    FIONA

    No, Shrek!

    FARQUAAD
    (hold a dagger to Fiona's throat) And
    as for you, my wife...

    SHREK

    Fiona!

    FARQUAAD
    I'll have you locked back in that tower
    for the rest of your days! I'm king!


    Shrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles.

    FARQUAAD
    I will have order! I will have perfection!
    I will have - - (Donkey and the dragon
    show up and the dragon leans down and
    eats Farquaad) Aaaah! Aah!

    DONKEY

    All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon
    here, and I'm not afraid to use it.
    (The dragon roars.) I'm a donkey on
    the edge!

    The dragon belches and Farquaad's crown flies out of her mouth
    and falls to the ground.

    DONKEY

    Celebrity marriages. They never last,
    do they?

    The congregation cheers.

    DONKEY
    Go ahead, Shrek.

    SHREK
    Uh, Fiona?

    FIONA
    Yes, Shrek?

    SHREK
    I - - I love you.

    FIONA
    Really?

    SHREK
    Really, really.

    FIONA
    (smiles) I love you too.

    Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes
    'Awwww' on the back and then shows it to the congregation.


    CONGREGATION

    Aawww!

    Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She's lifted
    up into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around
    her.

    WHISPERS

    "Until you find true love's first kiss
    and then take love's true form. Take
    love's true form. Take love's true form."


    Suddenly Fiona's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell
    and then is slowly lowered to the ground.

    SHREK

    (going over to her) Fiona? Fiona. Are
    you all right?

    FIONA

    (standing up, she's still an ogre) Well,
    yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed
    to be beautiful.

    SHREK

    But you ARE beautiful.

    They smile at each other.

    DONKEY
    (chuckles) I was hoping this would be
    a happy ending.

    Shrek and Fiona kiss...and the kiss fades into...

    THE SWAMP
    ...their wedding kiss. Shrek and Fiona are now married. 'I'm
    a Believer' by Smashmouth is played in the background. Shrek
    and Fiona break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting
    carriage. Which is made of a giant onion. Fiona tosses her bouquet
    which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. But they end
    up getting into a cat fight and so the dragon catches the bouquet
    instead. The Gingerbread man has been mended somewhat and now
    has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane. Shrek and Fiona
    walk off as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over
    singing the song.

    GINGERBREAD MAN

    God bless us, every one.

    DONKEY
    (as he's done singing and we fade to
    black) Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't
    breathe. I can't breathe.

    THE END

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