Creative BeamNG car descriptions.

I've decided to make somewhat creative, maybe a bit GTA-like, descriptions for Beam cars.

Bruckell LeGran:
"This midsize sedan is dial-up internet of the car world - 80s, unappealing and still used by tons of families who can't afford any better."

Bruckell Moonhawk:
"70s Americana. Not the best space utilization, build quality or gas mileage, but the pricing makes it all seem acceptable. It's still the kind of "malaise" any place outside America would call "prosperity"."

Burnside Special:
"A car for keeping up for the Joneses when your Gavril or Soliad couldn't do that. It isn't a full luxobarge,,but take it easy - even the installment plan could be too much when you're paying a mortgage for the suburban house".

Civetta Bolide:
"An 80s wedge supercar, best enjoyed with a gun in your hand, a Latino undercover cop in the passenger seat, Phil Collins on the radio and no thoughts about modern hot hatches being faster".

ETK 800-Series:
"A station wagon for the family man who needs something to match his guarded suburban house, new smartphone every year, exotic vacations, private school and streetwear for the kids, lease payment be damned."

ETK I-Series:
"A yuppie's signature set of wheels. Costs more than a fullsize American luxury coupe, but who cares when your German engineered Technik gives you Fahrvergnügen".

ETK K-Series:
"Sporty German coupe for those who can't afford a more exotic vehicle. It's actually an 800-Series, but with two doors and three seats removed to make room for the midlife crisis".

Gavril Barstow:
"A slice of true Americana. It inspired countless marketing uses of nostalgia for a time of leaded gas, long hair, LSD and picket fences".

Gavril Bluebuck:
"It's hard to shake the image of its Reds-smoking, explictly racist, possibly veteran original owner, but somehow Hispanics with hydraulics, gallons of pearlescent paints and bobbleheads managed to do that."

Gavril D-Series:
"This is the truck that tells you "You've arrived at Nowhere, Flyover County". Simple construction and vast part network are liable to keep them roaming the Midwest for the next two decades."

Gavril Grand Marshal:
"You'd think that it would survive anything with its good 'ol design. Then you look at how many failed to survive the 2010s already, and just say no."

Gavril H-Series:
"A few years ago, they could have been spotted carrying all sorts of liveries around America. Then Euro-style vans happened and now, the H-Series can be spotted on all sorts of U-Pull-It yards."

Gavril Roamer:
"Takes the chassis of Middle America's favourite affordable truck and puts on a body appealing to soccer moms from nice suburbs. Now putting up with all kinds of abuse."

Gavril T-Series:
"A truck from the days when trucking was the coolest thing a man could want to do, and everybody wanted a CB radio. Now bought all around the world by people who want to feel more American than riding a bald eagle to Johnny Cash, while truckers actually bought something roadable. 10-4, buddy?"

Hirochi SBR4:
"These 3 letters and number are bound to get every 12-year-old excited. Equipped with best engineering five figures can buy, but mostly used for cruising around Belasco below the 30 MPH limit by guys with a midlife crisis."

Hirochi Sunburst:
"A favourite of millenials of all kinds, whether it's a baby mama spending money she doesn't have on a base CVT model or a corporate hotshot getting a stage 2 tune from a "good tuner"".

Ibishu 200BX:
"Many of a 200BX was killed by drifting and rust. Those that stayed became classics for those whose childhood classic films are in the Fast and Furious series."

Ibishu Covet:
"Back in the 80s, it was cool and flying off the lots with its twin cams and multilink suspension. Then ricers started driving it and it wasn't cool any longer. Now the ricers are on the junkyard, and surviving ones are cool again".

Ibishu Hopper:
"Trust funds put many students behind the wheels of these things. They won't see much off-road action, which is a problem when you have very off-road-ready suspension and a fresh driver".

Ibishu Miramar:
"One of the cars that put Japan on the motoring map. It took European family sedans and made an average without most of the failures and with mucn of the rust. A hit where a failure is the difference between you coming to dinner and being the dinner".

80s Ibishu Pessima:
"Typical bubble economy era Japanese family sedan - overengineered, available with stuff nobody would put in a midsize sedan and rust-prone. Still used where rust isn't a problem."

90s Ibishu Pessima:
"All the fun has gone, but enough reliabilty was kept to have it appeal to everybody who wants a family sedan. Check local Craigslist or U-Pull-It for availability."

Ibishu Pigeon:
"Abuse and rollover damage makes surviving examples few and far between. It still costs a few hundred bucks despite the rarity, because few classic car buyers want instability at the top speed of some 60 MPH".

Soliad Wendover:
"This 80s sedan was originally compared to the Germans. Nobody makes these comparisons any more, but the Wendover has outlived many of those imports and is still driven by the cash-strapped."

Wentward DT40L:
"This bus has kept ferrying people who can't have a car for the last quarter century. With the new screens and a good interior body fluid cleanup, it'll last quite a few more years".

 

I can implement this into the game if you like

 

Here's mine for the 1996-model Pessima:

"Once, Ibishu dominated the racetrack. Now they only dominate theft statistics. Even with the Sport model's punchy V6 and limited-slip differential, it took 15+ years of technological advancement in the wrong direction to make this thing look even vaguely sporty or fun to drive."

Gavril D-series:

"No one realized at the time, but this would be one of the last non-sissified pickup trucks. Unfortunately, it's now old enough that its main uses are hassling drive-through cashiers and 'four-wheeling' terrain an open-differential FWD could easily tackle."

Bruckell Moonhawk:

"This is your typical 1970s land yacht: widely remembered for being slow, clumsy, unreliable, and poorly built, even though enthusiasts know it can still bust a move if you're willing to commit about 10 different federal felonies in order to make it do so."

Gavril Grand Marshall:

"Once used by the police to catch teenagers, most surviving examples are now used by teenagers to annoy the police. This car has seen many an illicit deed, from both sides of the badge."

 

New Pessima:

It came around with the advent of attainable internet, and since then, like the internet, it has just become an excuse for not getting anything useful done.

Civetta Bolide:
It was cool in the 80’s, but then again, so was velour. Like all of the velour in world, it is new woefully outdated and mostly rotting in a trailer park.

Spoiler: Spolier

Its pretty meh, I know.

 

Super bump mode, because I was bored and felt like writing some:

ETK 3000i (1985, 4AT): In its day, this was pretty much the car for a yuppie middle manager. Now, 30 years on, they're rarely seen at all, prized by drifters but hoarded by a small, fanatical group of fans who only bring them out on sunny summer days and when there's an autocross. Even those almost exclusively favor manual-transmission variants, making running 3000i automatics a rarer sight than some supercars nowadays.

ETK 854t (8AT): The renewed environmental panic, accelerated safety obsession, and guttering car culture of the post-Bush Crash years were not kind to ETK, and this car is a perfect example of why. Nothing says "pure driving ecstasy" like an artificially-flattened torque curve, the sound of a mild-mannered four-pot turbo, three entire fuel-economy gears, and a computer setup all but deliberately designed to make power tuning as difficult as possible. It's the perfect enthusiast car for a time where most car enthusiasts care more about road bicycling than they do about preserving car culture, but it's probably just as well, since most of them will end up in the hands of ambitious middle-manager types anyway.

Ibishu Covet 1.5 DXi (5MT): With low cost and high fuel efficiency, this car sold like hot cakes during the dark times of the 1980s while automotive regulations were still outrunning automotive technology. They can run basically forever if properly maintained, so they are still around in surprising quantities today, however many were garishly modified and beaten to death by teenagers during the mid-2000s, and the ones that weren't have either been used up about thrice over or have disappeared into the night, never to be seen again. So few have managed to escape all these fates at once that stock specimens with sub-six-digit mileage are actually starting to appreciate.

Ibishu Pessima 2.0 ZX (1988, 5MT): The Covet's big brother, and usually with about the same life story, though being a more expensive and significantly more substantial vehicle, they tend to last a little longer on average. Even 30 years on, they remain a common enough sight in sketchy neighborhoods and cash-strapped semi-rural areas, a testament to the fundamental soundness and solidity of the design. Still carries significant social currency in tuning culture due to its overbuilt engine and GTz image transfer.

Gavril Barstow 353 V8 RoadSport Package (4MT): A unique set of circumstances enabled this car - specifically, "EPA" was just alphabet soup and adult bicycling had been forgotten like a jar of moldy pasta in the back of the fridge. Compared to a modern machine, it may not be all that, especially in the curves, but the experience remains unequaled. Cruising the backroads with a wood-rimmed steering wheel in your hands, rowing through the gears, hearing the lope of the carbureted V8 through dual pipes, you will feel yourself transported to another world. No, it's not the top-of-the-line Barstow all the normies remember, but it'll do nicely still.

 

"1998 ibishu pessima. the official car of 'I service the business accounts at Golburg Goldburg Goldburg & Goldburg!'"

 

B I C Y C L E S

 

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