Alex's BeamNG Car Reviews.

I need to stop spamming the community screenshots with car reviews. I decided to make a thread for them. This thread is for MY reviews of cars within the game. Opinions/follow ups are welcome but lets stay on topic please. Without any hesitation, lets start. It's a short one.

THE IBISHU PIGEON

The Ibishu Pigeon is the official... vehicle of: I have to make deliveries at 10 and meet up with the latte appreciation society at 11.



The pigeon is supposedly a death-trap. They say it will roll around every corner. It will send you on a spinning trip to the grave. I'm honestly not seeing it, the car feels a little unstable sure, but if you drive it according to the highway code then I don't see how you'll be having any problems. I found the steering to be responsive overall but not particularly dangerous. Definitely exciting. Within the seemingly unfinished interior lies one piece of literature, it read "do not make a steering sharply at the high speeds". That pretty much sums it up, if you can get past the broken English.



We did get a chance to take this Pigeon to a race circuit. It didn't do very well. In fact I flipped it up on it's side almost immediately. So much for not a rollover hazard right? Well no not really, this is not a vehicle designed to be raced, hooned or driven spiritedly. That's obvious. So surely it would be ridiculous to take it around a track right?



The engine is what really excites me. It's a 600CC package of I'm a man now dad, I can choose whatever car I want! You don't control me DAD! Its a high revving inline 3 petrol engine that feels like its from a go-kart and sounds like a V6. You will get good fuel economy in this...car. I really do enjoy the engine. You feel every single one of those 27 horses, and it feels like 127. The...car is just so small. It really does feel like a go-kart.



This 3 wheeler's downfall is just that. It has 3 wheels. What is it? Can you call the Ibishu Pigeon a car? Or is it a trike? Maybe it's just too unique and hipster for your labels. Everywhere you go all your going to hear is: "what is that thing bro?", or "nice clown car guy!". This vehicle may not get a label, but you will. This tiny Ibishu will define you. It will be the butt of all jokes. You won't be able to escape it. Buying this vehicle is a form of social suicide, and actual suicide if you "make a steering sharply at the high speeds". If you can't take a joke, don't buy a Pigeon.

So there you go, I hope it was okay, I'm sure it could use some improvement. Tell me what you think.

 

Yeah, I’d agree.

 

The Ibishu Covet is next up.

 

Really like it, reminds me a lot of Mr. Regular - witty but useful

 

deleted

 

--- Post updated ---

1990 Ibishu Covet DXI
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For the man who drinks alcohol before he drives as a performance enhancer. This gentleman drinks to drive. In fact the rear panel boldly reads “Covet” so you know who to avoid on the motorway at 11pm.

The Ibishu Covet is an adorable little car designed by Ibishu to accommodate a market looking for small practical cars that are fun to drive. It works well. It has plenty of storage space, fold-able rear seats etc etc. The car drives nicely to say the least, it’s got independent front and rear suspension. This means it does what you want it to and it does it with serious style. This car was built to do handbrake turns in the Turbo Burger car park whilst your friends film the whole thing on their smartphones as a nice gift for your insurance company to watch later over dinner. The car has just the right amount of body roll. It doesn’t drive like a slot car nor does it drive like uncle Terry stampeding towards the all you can eat buffet on a Saturday morning. It feels like a car that’s comfortable. It also feels sporty. Perfect.



The engine is a 1.5 litre SOHC meth injection of "I beat Barstow's on the daily dude!" and it sounds like something that belongs in your mother's bedside cabinet. The car gets up to speed no problem due to it’s reasonable 99 brake horsepower. This means the car works on both motorways and B-roads without a problem. I drove this car for 30 minutes and I can confirm that the fuel gauge did not budge, if you buy this car, your petrol station visits will be reduced.



The car's styling is more of an acquired taste than anything (like olives or beer) and the more you drive it the more you will love the way it looks based on how it makes you feel.The exterior of this particular Covet is generously coated in black plastic trim. It works though, in fact it complements the design of the Covet. “Sure I’m a cheap night out, but I’m a cheap night out at the hottest nightclub in town”. I like the wheel trims, they’re unoriginal sure, but they’re a perfect example of 1980’s styling and most importantly though they hide up Ibishu’s shameful cutbacks nicely. You see Ibishu didn’t actually offer alloy wheels on any of their non-sport trim levels. Steel wheels all around baby.



A certain type of person drives this car, so let me paint the picture for you. It’s 10 o'clock at night and Danny and the boys are blasting through town with a cloud of smoke flowing continuously from the windows. Sirens are incoming. Tire smoke and squealing. The window rolls down. “What seems to be the problem officer?”. A thick aroma of weed fills the air. The young man who owns this particular example is keeping it stock and I commend him for that. You see every old woman driving one of these will die eventually. From there it's a clear cut path. First off, Dad buys it for young Toby as a nice slow starter car. Next up, our friend Toby applies a personal touch of ‘custom’ and ‘modified’. The next step for young Toby is that unfortunate car recreation of pancake day. It’s flip city boys. The final stage of every Covet’s doomed existence is the inevitable trip to the junkyard. Bye bye Covet. Don't get me wrong I love this car but if you're over 30 and drive one of these little hatchbacks then you're seen as being too poor to buy a real car. If you're under 30 and drive one then you're a jumped up little boy with a death wish. Buying a Covet is an invitation to be judged, and that's sad because it’s a great car really.



It feels like how every ‘normal’ car should and could feel. It’s the definition of the word ‘fun’ and the word ‘useful’ simultaneously. The car is a perfect compromise between comfort, performance, practicality and low cost. Its Ibishu’s Frankenstein monster. It feels nicer than a Pessima of the same year. It’s more agile, it’s smaller and easier to park and more practical due to the hatchback. It’s cheaper to buy and run as an extra bonus. Don't know which Ibishu to buy? Buy this one, it will do everything you want it to. Do not however buy a Covet if you want to maintain your dignity.

 

Burnside next?

 

Sounds good to me, won't be until tomorrow most likely though.

 

Next review probably out tomorrow (Thursday) might be today if I feel like finishing it.

 

BURNSIDE SPECIAL (BIG BLOCK CUSTOM) 1953
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So recently I got to go to The United States for a holiday, and whilst I was there I had the opportunity to drive a heavily modified America-mobile. The Burnside Special. Freedom baby. Seven years ago Burnside went away for good because nobody wants to buy a fancy Gavril that costs three times the price of a normal one. This though, this is a real Burnside. This is what Burnside was all about. Luxury, class, elegance and suspension so soft, that the door handles are nearly touching the floor around every bend.



It handles pretty much how you'd expect really. The car’s suspension set-up has been completely re-designed so it does roll into bends, but not enough to make the car undriveable. It’s fun, like a fairground ride. It's got a limited slip differential instead of the stock open diff, so that livens up the party. The car jolts around when it wants to, and it’s your job to know how to stop it. The turning circle is as wide as could be expected of a land yacht, but overall steering is precise and mostly does what you want it to, as long as you don’t try your luck too much. Without proper seat bolstering, you struggle to stay in one place when going around corners. You feel as if you’re clinging on for dear life. It’s pretty scary actually, especially when you reach a particularly tight hairpin and have to make fast steering adjustments to stop the car from going on a freedom trip sending you to an early grave.



The stock small block V8 from this example has been replaced by an overconfident 423cui big block out of the Barstow. It’s got a four barrel carb and produces enough power to take Alon Moosk to Mars and back in an instant. The torque from the engine shakes the whole car aggressively, like uncle Terry shaking the whole house whilst bounding up the stairs after a night out at the all you can eat buffet. It's got a reinforced block because the stock one was too beta to handle the cars 6500 RPM redline. That's right, 6500 RPM in a Burnside Special. This things pretty serious.



Even with the new sport suspension, this car is comfortable. You feel as if your floating on a cloud going to destination fatal accident. On that note, its well known that the car was voted in the top 10 most dangerous cars ever built. Rumor has it that one in five of these cars would catch fire within the first year of ownership. Burnside. A name that makes sense. A 15 year old boy will look at this car and wish he was alive in the glorious time when it was built, but he’s unable to think about the hideous racism and war aftermath. Every person over 50 will look at this car in wonderment and disbelief as they reminisce about what once was. Every person under 50 will look at this car and see something that belongs at the junkyard.



It looks like a car from the 1950’s. The time when style came before safety at all costs. Sure it looks great, but one false move and your heads smashed through the windscreen at the Turbo-Burger car park. The interior of this car is doused with chrome and beige. It’s exquisite. It really is. This is luxury.



It’s the car every 70 year old man would dream about building when he was a child. Young people don’t drive these cars, never have. They can’t insure them, they can’t afford to run them, they can’t look after them. This car is for 60 year old men who go to church every Sunday and beat their wives every Monday. This car is for the man who thinks weed was created by Satan himself but will happily knock back 72 beers on a Wednesday night. It’s traditional, it’s American. When a British person thinks of America, this is what comes to mind.

The Burnside special is a fun car, it's a stunning car to look at, but it's most definitely not a car you can drive on the daily.

 

Moonhawk coming up next week

 

Mind if I do a video series similar to these? I have been thinking about doing them for a long time, and now I have the assets I finally can.

 

sure, go for it. Hope they go well. I was thinking about making videos myself, but I don't have the confidence to talk or hardware to record at a high fps.

 

Sorry for the delay. I have a lot of work to do for my A-Levels at the moment (the exams are in June and they will decide whether I get into university) so I'm struggling to find time to do this kind of thing. I hope to have a review out by the end of the week though.

 

I do like these. They have a sort of Jeremy Clarkson/Car and Driver wit to them.