Note: To get the best experience, please read the guide in rally english (or alternatively with a thick slavic accent). Thank you. This guide is based on my own experiences. How to proceed: you must acquire the needed things first. Most important of them are some friends who don't need sleep. Give them a call or knock their door and tell them to come and eat some sausages. This method has a very high success rate and most will come. If you encounter a friend who is not sure about coming, tell them they have to. If that doesn't work, try the next friend. Later I will list all the other needed things. Now we will move on to the place where you will spend the following hours. In Finland, there are many public fireplaces all around the country. These will suit your sausage eating needs. Tell your friends to arrive to the nearest fireplace right about now. They will be there early if you tell them you have beer. Now you go there with your car or bike: The fireplace in question is a bit different this time. This one has spawned with a roof and is therefore water and snow proof. Useful in Finnish winter summer. Now that you have come to the fireplace, you must take out your sausage. The amount of sausage you have may have an effect on your manhood. Please do note my shoes: they appear to be typical gasoline-trainers, but I drive an electric car. That is some wise trickery right there. Because you are out with the bois and your not a girl, you have some beer with you. The cheapest brand will do, because everyone else most likely has it too. And of course because this is the fireplace you will need a fire. First thing you need is your very own trusty knife. With the knife, you make some small kindling to start the fire. Depending on the wetness of the wood you may need lots of it. Luckily we had some dry wood. Kindling, however, will not be enough. You need some small sticks too. Use your knife to form these from a bigger stick. Again please take a note on my friends shoes: these are the appropriate driving shoes. After that you can start the fire. My personal choice is matches, because I managed to buy about a million of them. Then start feeding the fire with the sticks and move to bigger sticks. Always be careful with the fire. If you do not respect it, it may jump out and scare you. Now you don't need to do anything for a while. Just feed the fire a bit and then let it burn. You should put your knife in a safe spot so nobody gets hurt. The fire should go down after a while, but that will take a while. During that "while" you can discuss the Winter War or laugh at the americanos and their orange big boy. Now beer has been mentioned like twice already, so where is it? Well, to enjoy it to it's fullest, it must be cold. So find a bowl somewhere and put some cold water in it. Cold water can be found from a lake that sits right next to the fireplace. Put the beers in the bowl and wait for them to cool down. And as predicted, everyone has the cheapest brand. Now that the fire has settled you can whip out your knife again and make some sticks to hold your sausages. We are now nearing the most exciting point of our sausage trip; the sausages. Put your sausage on the stick and put it near the fire. Do not burn it in the flames. The sausage will be ready when it looks like it. If you don't know when it is ready you are doing it wrong. As you can see from the following pictures, some of my friends wrapped their sausages in bacon. Personally I wouldn't do this because the sausage wouldn't be pure anymore, but I don't judge. Whatever floats your sausage. Now the beer has turned cold. Take your own beer and be careful not to take others. Beer is a personal thing and should be shared only if the owner so wishes. You can put it back to the bowl to cool down again. Beer usually can make Finns speak, so this is a nice opportunity to say something if you want to. No one is pressuring you though, so be silent if preferred. Rest of the night will go a lot more naturally and this guide will become obsolete. You will drink beer, eat bacon and different kinds of sausages, win a pull-up contest and prove your manliness in a variety of ways. Do not worry, it is time to have fun. The time when everything comes to an end will happen too soon. You run out of beer and sausages and the sky starts looking like it might turn purple if you party enough. So do step in your car and drive safely home. Do not drive if you have drank. So spend the night besides the warm fireplace and try not to look homeless. Lather, rinse, repeat.
