A dock worker walks into a Mercedes dealership and asks "How much is a S65 AMG?" The dealer says: - $229,500. - Any good lease deals? - $2909 a month for 72 months, $14500 due at signing. - Hella expensive. Any preowned ones? - Prices for this generarion start at $86,095. - Still expensive. - Would you prefer a cheaper model? - I would, but we just had a container fall on a S65.
lol haha... funny... XD Here's one from me. A guy, John Tracy, walks into a Peterbilt dealership and is face to face with a large, old and rusty truck. He says to the dealer: "Hey, where's the truck's exhaust?" "Oh that's odd," the dealer says, "it seems to be missing." "Well, may I have one?" John asks "I can't possibly buy this truck without an exhaust!" So the dealer replies "Ok, what type of exhaust would you want?" "One that fits the truck perfectly," he says, "something old and rusty." "Then you're in luck!" the dealer says, "We've got one Duel exhaust left. It's old, and it's certainly rusty. It's the original one, from the movie!" "Ok...?" John seems confused. He has no idea what movie the dealer is talking about. "Let me see it!" So the dealer says "Alright, won't be a moment!" And with that, the dealer vanishes into the spare parts room. After about 2 minutes he returns with the exhaust on an upright trolley, saying "Alright, here it is! Do you like it?" John seems very confused. "But this isn't a dual exhaust, it's a single one!" he says, scratching his forehead. "Oh you don't understand!" the dealer says, giggling inside. "I didn't mean dual, as in two, I meant Duel as in the movie Duel, from 1971!" After about 3 seconds of absolute silence, they both start laughing at the hilarious misunderstanding. "This exhaust might not be Dual," John says, "but it's certainly Duel!" They laugh a bit more and then John says: "Ok, what'll it be?" The dealer seems surprised. "Uh... $12.50. Well, plus Tax reductions, annoying and confusing the dealer, yadda yadda yadda... let me see here... $20.50" John seems baffled upon what just happened. "OK Sorry! I didn't mean to- " " (mumbles) ... wasting the dealer's time, annoying the dealer again... uh... did I say $20.50? I meant $24.59." The dealer interrupts him." John becomes agitated. "What?? You want even more money for this... piece of junk?" "OK, so $24.59 + insulting spare exhaust... Sorry, that's $29.95." After 5.4 seconds of silence, the dealer interrupts it by saying: "Just kidding! Hahaha! You really think I'd be so... businessy? So mean? So ice cold? So... inhuman?" John seems surprised once more. "Uh... no... I guess...?" Now John starts laughing too. John says "Ok, I'll just give it to you for $1.50." "Okay," John says. "I'll take it." John then purchased the truck plus exhaust and headed off into the Nevada desert. THE END. (BTW: This isn't the John Tracy from Thunderbirds, just to clarify)
A thief breaks into a house and starts examining valuable things to steal, when he hears a screechy voice say: - God is watching you! He goes into another room and hears the same voice say: - God is watching you! Then he goes into another room and, once again, hears: - God is watching you! At that point, he asks: - And who are you? - Johnny Cash. I'm a parrot. - What sort of a retard calls his parrot Johnny Cash? - The same sort who calls his pitbull God. --- Post updated --- How many mobsters do you need to push a man off a cliff? None. It was an accident.
OMG that's literally so funny! Thanks so much for sharing! (also you're not annoying at all, dude. XD)
A nun walks into a bar She asks the barman "Gin and tonic for the mother superior's constipation please" She drinks the g&t She downs about 5 more The nun, now very drunk, asks the barman "nother gin n tonic for- for the mother superior's constipation please?" The barman replies " I know this is none of my business, but how are all these gin and tonics going to help the mother superior's constipation?" "When she sees me tonight she'll shite herself!"
Ooch! BTW: You could've added another joke by saying "I know this is nun of my business"... But that's funny, thanks for sharing!
lol, here's an orange for ya': Also: I am, very! Edit: The Tangerine emoji I put in there didn't work!
Four engineers get into a car. The car won't start. The mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter." The electrical engineer says: "Dead battery." The chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline." The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in."
